Adat Perkahwinan Melayu (Malay Marriage Tradition)

In Malay tradition.. when a men wanted to ask a girl to marry him.. He need to go though steps of adat resam perkahwinan melayu. So here is some of the summary of all the adat for your reference (especially for my non-muslim frens)


Step 1 : Merisik (take a peek)
This adat also known as meninjau atau menengok. Purpose of this adat merisik is to ensure that the girl he wanted to get married to is still single. This is important b’coz in Islam a man is prohibit to ask for other people fiancé / wife. Other than that, adat merisik also to get to know the girl family background, her personal attitude, her religion knowledge as well as her look. Usually this adat merisik is performed by the man parents or his closes family members.


After confirmed that the girl is single, the man family will discuss and set a date when they will be coming for Meminang. At the end of this merisik session, the man parents will give a simple belah rotan ring to the girl as a token from the man.


Step 2 : Meminang (Proposal of Marriage)
Adat meminang is present the proposal of marriage, officially. Family member from both sides will discuss on the hantaran for the engagement, set the date and time for the engagement.


Step 3 : Bertunang (engagement)
On adat bertunang ceremony, usually org tengah or middle man will represent the man family. This middle man will express their attention to ask the girl hand, thus they would like to get both of this couple engaged...And so, they will represent the engagement ring together with other hantaran (gift).


If the girl parents accept it.. The man mother will put on the engagement ring on to the girl finger. Both of this couple now will exchange their gift (hantaran), traditionally it will be in odd number. Gift from a girl will be slightly more than a man. In this ceremony both family members will discuss on how long the engagement will be. When the wedding will be and so on..

My mother in-law put on engagement ring on my finger

My engagement hantaran

Me on my engagement day

Step 4 : Nikah
Nikah, or nikkah, (Arabic: النكاح ‎), is the contract between a bride and groom and part of an Islamic marriage. Nikah is the key ceremony in Islam. This is not adat resam for Malay people only. All muslim must follow this practice.

Kadi performing Nikah

The first part of the marriage ceremony - nikah, is the signing of the marriage contract itself. Marriage is seen as a necessity in Islam and is seen as helpful in avoiding zina (pre-marital sex) or cruelty.

Most of parent in Malaysia prefer their son to be Nikah by a Kadi (representative) that has been certified with Jabatan Agama Islam. Wali (legal guardian), bride, groom, 2 Muslim male as a witness and Ijab Qabul (uttering of acceptance in words) is an essential in Nikah ceremony. Once the nikah is performed, it will be valid to give a mas kahwin or mahr (dowry or bridal money). In Johor the standard mas kahwin is RM22.50.

My mahr, wedding ring & wedding money.

Now both of the bride and groom are officially and legally as husband and wife.

My family & my hubby family on our Nikah day

Step 5 : Bersanding (wedding reception)
Bersanding ceremony is a celebration day and also as announcement day to let public know that both of them are legally husband and wife. I think most of us should already know what activity on this ceremony.. since it’s a well known Malay wedding ceremony in Malaysia.

Me & hubby on our Sanding Day

My Family - Mak, Abah, my sisters uda & adik and my sister in law - ziela

My hubby's parents from Sabah, mama & bapak